Watch Your Language!

The other day I was supposed to be meeting a friend for lunch and she called to tell me she was running late and probably wouldn’t be able to make it after all. Not really a big deal, but the problem is she does this all the time. And this time I noticed that I started saying to myself, “Ohmigosh, why does this keep happening to me? This always happens to me!” I caught myself and noticed how my language was boxing me in.

On the surface this doesn’t seem like such a big deal. My friend was running late and I was getting frustrated, which is a pretty normal reaction. However, by saying to myself that this always happens and that my friend is always late, I am in fact locking myself into this scenario and assuring that it will repeat itself in the future. Remember that your beliefs create your reality, and your language is just an extension of your beliefs.

For example, if I tell myself that my friend will always be late then I will come to expect that. But let’s say we make plans and she actually shows up on time, or even early! If I have already convinced myself that she is always late, maybe I start showing up fifteen minutes late myself because I assume my friend will be late! Or maybe we both show up on-time, but it merely just doesn’t even register with me because she’s “always” late.

This example is obviously not a life or death situation, but your language can have a large impact on more important issues in your life. If you constantly say to yourself (even without your conscious awareness) that you are destined to be in a low-level job and will never get promoted, then guess what happens? Even if your bosses are considering you for a higher-level position that has just opened up, chances are you won’t take the necessary action to go for the higher-level position. You have already convinced yourself deep down that you will never get promoted, and repeat that to yourself often, so perhaps you don’t volunteer to help out with special projects that would get you noticed by the higher-ups. You tell yourself, “Why? Nothing I do matters. I’ll never get promoted anyway!”

If you constantly say to yourself, “I’ll never meet my soulmate because he/she just doesn’t exist”, then chances are very strong that you will never meet him or her! Say a friend invites you to a party and tells you there will be several single people at the party that you will get along well with. But you have already convinced yourself that your soulmate is not out there, so instead you decide to stay home by yourself, convinced you will be alone forever because your perfect match simply does not exist. Or you may actually put yourself out there and go on several dates with various people, but you notice that all the people you go out with keep coming up short in terms of what you’re looking for. This is because you have told yourself your ideal partner does not exist. Therefore, even if you did manage to stumble across him or her you would probably end up pushing them away and not ending up with them in the long run. This is because you just don’t believe deep down that someone could possibly have all the qualities you are looking for, because you have told yourself over and over again that this is so.

Luckily, changing your language can be as simple as 1, 2, 3… really! Simply notice where you have boxed yourself in, and change that language. Some clues are when you notice yourself saying things like, “never, always, have to, should, must, can’t,”, etc. To quickly change your language, force yourself to come up with three examples (or more!) that illustrate that whatever your language is describing is not set in stone. For example, with my friend example from above, I could go from saying, “She is always late” to “She is often late, but she has arrived on-time one or two times and for that I am thankful.” For the example about getting a promotion you could say to yourself, “People in my position have been promoted before, so there’s no reason why it can’t happen to me.” For the soulmate example, instead of telling yourself that he/she doesn’t exist, try saying to yourself something along the lines of, “Hundreds of people meet their soulmate every single day, so mine must be right around the corner!” Try it and let me know how it goes! I think you’ll notice some very powerful results.

Self Help Challenge: If you’re feeling brave this week and want to take on a big challenge, take the “No Complaining Challenge.” I heard about this awhile back from self help guru/author, Gay Hendricks. For seven days straight, you are not allowed to utter a single complaint, either out loud or to yourself! Having tried this myself, I can tell you that seven days is quite a lengthy time and I recommend starting out with just getting through one day. If you make it through the first day, go on to the second, then the third, etc. If making it through the first day proves to be too difficult, then start by just eliminating the complaints you say out loud to others. Once you’ve mastered that, move on to getting rid of the internal complaints you utter to yourself. It will feel strange at first, but you can do it and you will love the positive effects it has on your life!

Self Help Goddess Blog: If you haven’t been to my blog yet, my new post “Being Your Authentic Self” is a good one to start with! I posted it yesterday and have already received several positive comments about it via Twitter. By the way, if you’re not on Twitter yet, you’re missing out! My Twitter name is SelfHelpGoddess if you’d like to follow me.

Finally, if you like this newsletter and would like to help it grow, please forward it to others!! See you again in two weeks. :-)